28 May 2013

An (Almost Complete) Guide To The Fantastic Digital Kingdom of Twitter

STAY IN THE NEWS: Whenever I spew a bit of news the moment it breaks, people around me are like “Where did you hear that?” and I’m like “Twitter, duh.” The mammoths of the journalism industry (@CNN, @AP) always break news on the spot with tweets. Unlike in the past (BT: Before Twitter), when people would hear whiffs of unconfirmed news and have to wait hours before the next newspaper was rolled out of the press or before the next news-reading occurred, news breaks instantly.
It literally just pops into your timeline via a tweet or re-tweet. This isn’t limited to our real life stories. You could get news about literally everything. From steaming hot movie news (@THR), to music (@billboard, @chartnews). Nigerian news is also up for subscription (@NigeriaNewsdesk)
NETWORK LIKE THE ROOTS OF AN OAK: Find people like yourself. If you’re an artist, find other artists. The thing about Twitter that somewhat removes it from the more ‘family and friends’ oriented Facebook, is the way people who would under normal circumstances never speak or even relate clump together to form thriving communities. From graphic design (@abduzeedo, @pixelsandframes) to blogging (@thenakedconvos).

LAUGH LIKE A MANIAC IN THE STREETS: Twitter is funny. That statement seems really brisk, but asides from all the serious life stuff I have lined up prior, what I do on my feed 70% of the time is chuckle, giggle, laugh, scream and sometimes toss my phone away because, damn that place has jokes for millenia. The biggest visible community on there is the comedy community (makes sense, since comedic punchlines are never really longer than 140 characters), and boy do they deliver. From the outrageous (@milkkk, @TheTobbie, @robdelaney,), to the insane (@TheTweetOfGod). Down on the homefront; the punny (@Utomisphere, @Cumical, @AlchemistXIII), the sarcastic (@TheBlackHermit), the outrageous (@TheGreyGenesis, @Cuntosaur). Just find these people, and let the biscuit of Jesus soak you up. Oh, also, Nigerian comedians on Twitter bomb harder than middle-eastern terrorism.

MILK THE RESOURCES: Because Twitter features a blend of the official, the personal and every shade in between, it is glorious for resources. Writers (@naijawiters, @thenakedconvos), musicians (@360nobs), artists (@talentthursdays), lifestyle (@miabaga_dotcom, @thenakedconvos). They all provide a platform for you to show off your stuff to people who might actually be interested. Beyond that you could even make your twitter a host for your talent. I follow people who produce music, sing, sketch, write and just all around thrive in their amazingness. If you aren’t on Twitter to get news or laugh, you could build yourself a platform to share whatever talent the Lord has blessed you with.

AIR YOU THOUGHTS -- DIRTY, CLEAN AND DOWNRIGHT DUMB: As long as you can string a sentence together that doesn’t involve abnormal consonant placement, you immediately rise above the chaff. Let the world hear you, your political standings, those jokes that you feel won’t fly, the sexual innuendo, the movie and music reviews. That’s what Twitter is anyway, a place for brain-vomit. So when next you pick your phone, articulate those thoughts and spill. Talk about how hard that assignment your evil lecturer placed on your frail shoulders is. Just speak.

Please avoid grammatical errors, they diminish the power of what could be an otherwise powerful message. The awful Gbagaun police are also always on the loose.

Dare Falowo

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